Yesterday at a party, a couple asked “If you were to give relationship advice, what would it be?”

3 strong drinks deep, I told them

At the end of the day, we all have a lot of healing to do

Unlearning, unconditioning, & reprogramming…

You’ve got your shit, he’s got his.

The key is not only to understand that but to commit to the work - together.

There’s 2 parts to the work.

1. You committing to doing your own work, relentlessly.

2. You being patient with your partner as they do their work.

The reality is…

You can either choose to do it in this relationship

Or be faced with it in every relationship until you finally decide to take responsibility.

So if you are truly both in love with each other - make that commitment.

Set that genuine intention & invite the work in.

When you do… together…

Be ready for the work to come flying in at record speed.

Old beliefs, ways of thinking, reacting and feeling will start raising their hand saying “Hey, I’m ready to be let go”

Because they will no longer align with who you want to BECOME.

And you will be faced with the work to let it go.

Once it’s let go, something else will raise its hand.

And you’ll get tired of it like “fuck, another?!”

Yup, you set the intention. Here it is.

This will accelerate your growth & healing individually and together.

But it’s not easy.

It takes effort.

Each time you are bothered by something you have to take the time to ask yourself why.

And even more time to answer it.

And even more time… sometimes… to work through it.

But each one you overcome is an obstacle removed on your way to a long, amazing, healthy & fulfilling love.

Realize that something raising its hand can look different each time.

It can be a poor reaction, a slight annoyance, a deep insecurity

They will manifest in many different ways

And most couples avoid confrontation

But confrontation is the solution.

Confronting it head on - with composure, compassion & patience.

For yourself & your partner.

Accept Responsibility for your own healing, Commit to the work, be patient, communicate, and build self-awareness. 

If you don't do the work, you'll continue to face the same challenges in every relationship for as long as you live because they are not the problem, you are.

The work has to be done eventually in this relationship or the next so it only makes sense to do it now and not prolong the pain that your internal world is creating.

THAT would be my advice (if I only had 5 drunken minutes at a party)